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Random Rant #1

March 11th, 2008

I think I’m going to post more often what’s on my mind, without the formal editing and stuff. Just so I can read back how I was doing and to see how I really felt at a certain point. Well, this is my first rant where I really just let loose.

My pickup skills are not very good yet that I can limit my time in field. At one point I want to be really good and go pro. I want to be able to pickup any girl that I’m attracted to. When I’ve reached that point, that’s the moment I can take some time off and be less in field. Then pickup is already a part of my lifestlyle, because whenever I’m out of my place I can pickup girls.

Now I have to allocate time to sarge and get in state. In the near future I want to be in state 24/7. Heck I can even pickup girls when I’m taking a dump in the women’s bathroom! Untill then, I have to remind myself to push myself to the limits. Like today, I had to work the whole day for school so I stayed home the whole day. I wanted to open at least some sets as a break, but something stopped me from doing it. I need to push myself more. Am I too hard on myself? Maybe, but I want to become good at this so I need to push myself.

Like going solo, I don’t like it. I can’t pump myself doing it. I always need someone with me to get that competitive spirit out of me. But I need to do it more often, just to get used to it. I can imagine myself doing day game by myself, but not at a nightclub. Man, I would chode like a *****. But I need to do it in the future. I NEED TO DO IT.

The last couple of days my head has been going crazy. Sometimes I was thinking that I needed a break from this because my school grades would be affected. But they aren’t (yet) because everything is going smooth so far. However I do need to get less lazy and start combining work, school, and pickup.

Also, I’ve been a little frustrated since my last 3 sarge sessions were all horrible. Getting blown out all the time. Sometimes I laugh really hard at myself when I get a total blowout. But if it happens all the time, then you’re doing something wrong. I admit, I was tired, but still. NO EXCUSES. I need to keep at it. I want to be good at this. Also I lost some girls by my phone and text game, something I recently got into. Finally I’m starting to use my numbers, but I’m still new at this. But yeah, I lost some girls by phone+text game. I think that I have that abundance mentality, but not totally yet because of this. I even got upset because this hottie stopped picking up her phone and stopped texting me back. Man, what am I thinking! She is missing out and I’m the fucking prize. NEXT!

I’ve realized how far I’ve come in the last 3 months. I’ve been in the community now for 4 months, 1 month keyboard jockey-ing and then 3 months actively in field. I can remember myself opening sets like a beginner where I just asked for their opinion and then left. My AA wasn’t that bad, because my best friend is a girl so I was kinda used to talking to a girl. But still, man I was nervous. Also, I really didn’t reach a plateau for a long period of time. Sure I had sticking points, but they would usually be fixed within a week. I still see myself progressing, but I just know at one time I’m going to hit a ceiling for a (long) period of time. It’s almost inevitable. But I don’t want to encounter it, man I must go crazy if I’d hit it. Now I’m already frustrated about my last 3 sarges which happened within a span of a week. Pffft, better not hit it. I want to become good at this.

If there is something I can learn from my past, then it’s that I can be extremely dedicated and get good at my hobbies. So far this has by far been the most toughest hobby by far. But I want to be fucking good at it. Sometimes I’m just amazed how dedicated I can be at this. Sometimes I think it’s over the top and then I start thinking that I need a break to clear my mind for a bit. But NO, I want to be good at this.

Man, it feels good to rant like this. I need do this more often while I listen to some girly music like the spice girls. Gotta love it.

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