WARNING: This is really long and a self-reflection. However, I wanted to share this and if you get something out of this, great :)
Wow. It has been a year now ever since I really started to take pickup serious and going out on a consistent basis. I remember the first day, December 15 2007. I met Rince and Streetwisekeen of the boards and we went to the Ruby for my first night out. By accident, we met D there who joined us on the journey. We formed Magic Nuggets with Maui and Deelucks and we’re still going strong!
On the front of personal development, I can honestly say I’ve learned a lot. What’s interesting is that pickup is a self-help branch, but I didn’t realize that until I got deeper into it. With the focus on women all the skills you learn and develop branch out to all your other areas of life, which is awesome.
A year ago, I was painfully shy. People knew me as the quiet guy and my success with girls was limited. So I decided to change all this and become more social and increase my success with girls. I guess the timing was right. I just finished the semester and I had a 2 month break. So I started going out 4 nights a week and doing the newbie mission for as long as I could. Being under 21 sucked though as there very limited places I could go and all places had cover. But luckily I had a nice saving that my business gave me so I could just focus on pickup for a while. Going out 4 nights a week is tough, but so much fun. Every night me, Maui, D, Rince, and SWK would terrorize Hollywood and then debrief. My days were getting long: in the daytime it was being lazy as fuck + anti-social and at night I would turn into a “PUA”. Now I realize that you cannot “turn on” PUA mode and then during the day be anti-social. It’s going to be part of you that your carry 24/7 and not something you can turn on or off.
After 2 months I was seeing some progression. At first I had really bad AA, but it took me about 3 weeks to get rid of it. I still hesitated at times but most of the time the approach would get done. At the end of the day, what counts is “did I do the approach?”
After 2 months I was getting makeouts. People who know me can tell you I’ll do anything to get good. I remember one of my first makeouts was with a super ugly FAT girl. Like, if I would show you a picture, you would say “WTF?!!!! That’s HBminus17″. But I was so determined to try out kiss close routines that anything that had tits and a vagina would be subject to my experiments. So I ran the “on a scale of 1-10, how good of a kisser are you?” for a week. Then the next week another kiss close routine. Then the following week another one. I’ve done at least 6 of them. I think kiss close routines are great for beginners, but you need to hit them on a constant basis to develop some intuition. I do believe that because I was solely focusing on kissing and just running kiss closing routines for a period of time, that it helped me to develop a “kiss sense”. Now whenever I’m with a girl, I can see and feel when a girl is ready to be kissed.
Also around this time I read somewhere that “it doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you say it”. I thought that was completely bullshit and that way you say totally matters. I was reading a book on body language and it totally changed my view on how people interact. It also said that most communication is non-verbal, but I still called it bullshit. However, it’s definitely one of those books every guy has to read. Wherever I was walking, I would be analyzing body language and trying to figure out what was going on. That definitely helped infield. But flash forward to today, now I do realize and understand why “it doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you say it“. It’s hard to explain but it’s profound. I guess it will come over time and field experience. I have to say though, I was running crazy experiments to field test this and at first it was just painfully awful. But now it’s something I control and I can just go up to hot girl and say gibberish while getting her attracted.
About three months in I was getting some results, but I would lose a lot of sets for no reason. I really couldn’t figure out why I was losing sets. So I brought out my voice recorder to record some nights and the next day I would analyse all my sets. This was so much work, because my recorder would be on for the whole night and the next day I had to find where all the juice was. But if I’m determined at something, I will get it done. I would find out that I had some good stuff going on, but then I recognized that at some points my sets were just dead. I still couldn’t figure it out. Then I went to the Love Systems Super Conference (I won my ticket! :P) and I found out that girls give you “tests”. I never knew that! So for 3 months long I was just failing every test, but ever since I knew about congruence tests my game went up a level. The Super Conference definitely helped me too and a couple weeks after that I got my first “community lay” with a cougar.
She turned into my first fuck buddy because I wanted to keep going out and improve my skillset. But instead I began running too much comfort with her and I took to the extreme. At one point she was all over me and saying stuff like “I want to have your babies” and “you are the first person I actually loved and said I Love You too”. I knew my comfort game was naturally pretty decent, but this was crazy.
I always had the idea that there are 2 types of guys: attraction and rapport guys. Some guys are naturally more attraction based types of guys; they’re good at teasing, energetic, bantering, and so on. Whereas the rapport guys, I consider myself one of those, are laid back, low key, and are good at connecting and sharing the “vibe”. I was never really worried about my comfort game. It definitely needed some polishing and structure, but my attraction was really low key and hit or miss. A lot of times I won’t even know if I have attraction because attraction is just weird. It comes in all shapes and forms.
Also, getting this white cougar pretty much destroyed my limiting belief that I can’t get white girls. This is something really strange because I grew up in an environment where all my friends, ex-girlfriends, and hookups where white. Still I had this limiting belief I couldn’t get white girls. Partly is due to my upbringing with my parents drilling that I should marry an asian girl. I had some major confidence issues with that. I would always think that white girls wouldn’t be attracted to me because I’m asian, and that only asian girls were attracted to me. Whenever I went out, all I did was pretty much approach asian sets. My wings labeled me as someone who only approaches asian sets (and they are fucking large all the time). If someone pointed out a set with some hot white girl in it, then I would dismiss her for some lame excuse. This was really just an insecurity of mine. Deep down I was fucking attracted to white girls but I masked it by only doing asian sets. So insecure. This took place for the first 3 or 4 months for sure. But ever since I fucked the hell out of this white cougar (I gave her her first orgasm and other kinky shit. All the pr0n watching paid off!!!) it somehow destroyed the limiting belief of interracial dating. Now whenever I go out, I approach anything that is HOT and I don’t see interracial dating as a big deal anymore.
But she also fucked me up. Because I now had a fuck buddy, every time I would go out I always knew I could have sex any moment. Now this can be a good thing. My subcommunications are aligned so that I would project “abundance” and I literally didn’t give a shit. I knew I could have sex any moment. I’m not saying that abundance is a bad thing, it’s actually freakin important and a corner stone, but like it’s so common with me, I always take things to the extreme. Now I was so careless that every set didn’t really matter anymore. I wasn’t working on my sticking points nor did I escalate any set. All I did was be myself and waited to see what could happen. This was BAD. I didn’t realize that I needed to find a balance for this; have that abundance mentality but also being smart enough to improve my skillset.
So months 4 and 5 weren’t that great. Ever since I got a FB, my game went down. I don’t know if this is common, but my logic is that I “finally” got what I wanted (sex) and now I could just chill. WRONG. It’s just the start. I still kept going out, but I was just not hitting it. I guess something similar happens a lot; new guys get into the game and then the first girl they fuck becomes their girlfriend. I’m not saying having a girlfriend is a bad thing, but my philosophy is that if you want the best, you can not settle until you know what’s out there. In order to know what’s out there, you have to fuck and date a lot of girls. You can’t say that your car is the best and most suited for you unless you’ve driven a Ferrari, Porsche, Escalade, and other cars.
Half a year in, it got even worse. In my spare time, I was running an internet marketing business. It was my machine that kept me financially healthy and stable. But since I just kept going out and trying to catchup with school, I totally neglected my business. I would get angry clients calling me in the middle of the night (there’s a timezone difference between LA and Europe) but I layed low. Stupid. Money wasn’t coming in anymore and financially I was almost done. I kept worrying about how I was going to make it down the road if I kept going out, because I wanted to improve my game. But at the same time, I needed to work on my business. My employees, who are my friends I trained, were getting pissed at me. I needed to do something.
I got all I had and booked a ticket home to the Netherlands to see my parents and brothers. It was for two months and that was going to my break. At this point, my inner game was so fucked up because I was constantly worrying about money. Every time I went out, I got blown out. It didn’t hurt me, I can withstand rejection, but I knew there was something wrong. Nothing much happened till this point. However, I knew there was something really wrong and the break would be my time to think things over. In the two months, all I did was working on my business again and catching up with friends. Pickup wasn’t on my mind anymore, but rather I wanted a lifestyle change. I would see clients personally and take care of business. It made me tougher as I had to look them in the face and explain why I was being a bad marketer. Then my friends noticed me I was completely different and after the first night they called me a “male whore”.
It was evident I wasn’t that shy guy anymore and my inner psychology was getting better. Being surrounded by people who have a positive effect on you has huge effects. I now understood why it’s important who you are friends with. People who meet me for the first time usually think I’m a bit cold and sometimes even a dick, but it’s really because I’m very selective who I want to be friends with. I don’t want to be friends with everyone; it’s not possible. Sure, I can get along with a lot of different types of people, but I understand that not everyone can use my time. Guys that are my friends can tell you I will go miles for them and I expect the same from them. If some people don’t have any use to me anymore and give me bad emotions, I just clip them and find new ones. I’m really easy with that; I can shun people out of my life easily and move on. I’m the CEO of my life and I’ll live it the way I want it. Does that I abandon people who I haven’t contacted in a while? No. In fact I want to have as many cool friends possible, but like I said, I have to selective for that and they have to earn my respect.
After my break, I was refreshed and totally ready for new challenges. At this point my business was running again but I had a new opportunity waiting. This is actually the first time I’m publicly announcing this, but around September I was trying out to work for Love Systems. Not as an instructor, but I would be helping Savoy out with some things to grow the business. That definitely gave me new hope and it actually made more confident. The outlook was great and I could improve my game tenfold. In addition with being internally happy after my break, and the fact I was going to work for the biggest dating company, it just made me even more happy. Every time I would go out I had a smile on my face. Everything in my life was really great; I had great friends, great job, financially stable, sex, health, and a great outlook. That was when I realized that you can keep your state consistent and that other parts of your life affect your state. I realized why I was getting blown out couple months earlier and now every time I’m in a bad state, I can easily recognize it’s root.
When I was going out after the break, about 9 months in, I was a bit rusty but sets were just there. I don’t know how to explain this, but every time I opened sets I was enjoying it. On the inside I was so happy that I wanted to share it. It was really about me sharing my good vibe and I did this for at least a month. I wasn’t going for dates, pulls, or even numbers. I learned how to express myself and I tried to carry this over to my every day life. I realized that a lot of concepts you learn in pickup will help you in your every day life. I cannot even describe how significant that is. It’s money.
The next month I was realizing, “okay I didn’t really escalate anything but was very social. How to continue?” That’s when me and D realized how people always meet each other; through social circles. So me and D would just network and befriend as many people we could and try out “entourage” game. Going out all the time trying to pickup girls can get boring really fast. I realized that my good nights were a lot of times when I was going out with friends and the pickups I did those nights were because I had so much fun that cold approaches were secondary. At this point I was giving up sex and pulling for more friends and entering social circles. Sex became no more big deal; it was really one of the last things on my mind. Having a power broker seat in some social circles will make life so much more fulfilling than going out all the time and trying to fuck a random girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing cold approaches, but Braddock told me something that is so true: if you have great social circles (abundance), then cold approach is what it is supposed be again: a hobby and fun.
Also because I was so busy with school, my job at Love Systems, and my own business, I was really too busy to think of sex. I was working on my lifestyle and thinking long-term to increase my own value in this world. I want to build a lifestyle where hot women are naturally part of it and where my lifestyle is game in itself. You don’t see non-famous high status people like CEOs of big companies or athletes doing cold approaches. Fuck no, their lifestyle and status is their game and I want to work towards that.
That’s when I started to look for mentors that will help me progress. The idea of having mentors is not new. I think I’ve read it in “Think and grow rich” by Napoleon Hill but the idea is to gather people around you who have the things going for them that you want. Something similar I read somewhere is to only take advice from people who have the experience and life to back it up. For example, since I consider myself an entrepreneur, I would be looking for an entrepreneur who is way more experienced and better than me so that I can learn from him/her. I’m very fortunate that I’m working with Savoy because he lots of things going for him I want to achieve (education, business, women, game). Kind of funny but I don’t see him as a mentor for game or pickup at all but I always pick his brain for business. That doesn’t mean that I ask him 9743 questions a day on business, but I pick those things up by just working with him. Another area of my life that I want to work on is pickup and for game I see other Love Systems instructors as mentors. I work a lot with Braddock to help him out on bootcamps and such, and I see him as my pickup mentor. Obviously he has game but he is also very into reading self-help books and living a 4-hour week life. All the things are things I want to achieve to. My uncle in Vietnam is a successful business man and a great networker who really loves his relatives and kids. I don’t see him much, but whenever he’s in LA for business I always try to see him and pick his brain networking and business. He also told me several times that he’s not the smartest guy on the planet (he is actually freakin smart, but humble) but he told me this when I was 12:
The most successful people have three important traits: are street smarts, are able of managing money, and have people skill.
This is a quote I never forgot and never will. It’s obvious that pickup will significantly help you in the people skill area and the other two will blend in.
I also took my first bootcamp at the Love Systems Super Conference and crushed two sticking points. At that point I wasn’t really focusing on cold approach, but social circle. Still, it took my game up another level and it has definitely payed off. Then I started to have a love for day game. I tried day game in the first month I started going out, but the whole indirect approach wasn’t working. Also, I didn’t have the field experience I have now so I was really uncalibrated, a weirdo and a creep. Now whenever I see a cute girl in the daytime I’m approaching. A lot of times it’s not going anywhere but I’m making it a habit to approach every hot girl I see. Once a while I set out a afternoon to practise day game and usually I’ll get some solid numbers and an instant date. I see a progress in working and now I’m really trying to make things smoother.
That also goes for for my club game. When I read my field reports I could read that my game is a lot smoother now than it was a year ago. At first everything was just all over the place. I would run comfort material as transitions or I would tease girls way too much in comfort. Once a while I still make these mistakes, but I can catch myself on it whereas at first I totally couldn’t. Right now I’m at a phase where I have enough “natural” ability to have a conversation and steer it the way I want it, and now it’s really about having a structure and polishing that with delivery and timing.
I still go out and run experiments and small chunking new material. I treat the field as my lab and I’ll run so many experiments each week that lots of them don’t make sense to anyone. Me and D do this all the time. Whenever you see us at a club, you’ll hear and see us running experiments just to field test a theory we have. We already said to ourselves that we’ll give up lays just to experiment. Heck we’re still running experiments that we’ve been field testing two months ago just to drill it in our heads. Lots of theory we learn in the community is something we take for granted, but we actually go out and field test every theory till we can say “that is so true”. But we also come up with other experiments like timing how fast you can get a girl to touch you without touching her at all. And we’ve lined up many more :) If you don’t see the use of this and think we’re just douchebags, then fuck yourself :)
One thing I said to myself at the start of my journey is that I wanted to be super good in one year. Half way in, I realized that I don’t have to. I still have so many years to live that I don’t have to rush this. At first I would feel so bad if I missed a day of going out. If I had to miss a week, it was like feeling sick. I would fucking skip my business obligations and school work to go out. That’s so stupid, because these are things I value very much. Heck, if I just stopped with pickup and just focused on work and school, and then focus again on pickup, it really doesn’t make that much of a difference out of my whole life. I realized it’s important to have a balance in your life and to have your priorities straight. Now whenever I can’t go out for a while, I don’t see that as a big problem. I know that my time will come and that the reason I can’t go out is way more important. It’s way more efficient to have balance where you can go out on a regular basis than having a period where you go out a lot switched with periods of hiatus.
So what’s up for 2009?
Good question. I gave it some thought. I always had the idea of becoming an instructor but I never knew for sure how much that is for me. I first wanted to see what a bootcamp is like and helping other guys out. After doing a bootcamp myself and helping out at a BC, I’ve decided that I do want to become an instructor. Helping out other people has always been a part of me. A part of it was me being the “super nice guy” helping out the girls that I was attracted to (gosh I laugh at myself for that) and another was that I trained all my employees/friends specific skills I had.
So yes, in 2009 I’m going to become a Love Systems (junior) instructor. I’ll have to work my ass of for that because I know it’s really hard to become a LS instructor but shooting for the stars is a better motivator than setting realistic goals.
I have other goals for 2009 that are outside of pickup, but I want to give them some more thought before finalizing it. Also other life goals in general. I’m slowly starting to realize how important it is to set goals and hitting them. I want to be able say in five years, “check check check check check check” and see I’ve completed what I’ve strived for.
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